oh my god, have you listened to me lately? Lately I’ve been fuckin crazy

Yesterday when I got home from school I broke down crying. Last night I lost it. This morning at the breakfast table I couldn’t even eat because I shaking and sobbing. And it’s all because of goddamn school. They gave us the paper work to choose our classes for senior year Thursday and it’s due Wednesday. And for the first time, the choices I make mean A LOT. Like, for the first time I realized that by December, I’ll be 18 and I could be done with highschool. Then what will I do? Job then college or right into college or take some time off and just stay at home or a semester? Where do I wanna work? Where do I wanna go to school? What the fuck do I wanna be when I grow up?? This shit actually matters right now. And I can’t handle it.
And the worst part is my parents assume that I’m going to go for a full senior year, go to the college that’s 10 minutes from my house and just live with them forever.
I  don’t know much about what I want in life but I do fucking know I’m not going to live with my parents one second longer than I have to. And when I mentioned going to a school farther away from home this morning, they flipped their shit and started yelling at me. We are middle class and I have an average intelligence and this is a huge fucking problem apparently.
If it wasn’t for seeing fun. in 7 days I’d probably be ripping my hair out and punching walls and shooting up schools right now.

There are some nights I hold onto every note I ever wrote
Some nights I say “fuck it all” and stare at the calendar
Waiting for catastrophes imagining they’d scare me
into changing whatever it is I am changing into
and you have every right to be scared
Cause there are some nights I hold you close
pushing you to hold me or begging you to lock me up
never let me see the world
Some nights I live in horror of people on the radio
tea parties and twitter - I’ve never been so bitter
And you, why you wanna stay?
Oh my god, have you listened to me lately?
Lately I’ve been going crazy
and you, why you wanna stay?
Oh my god, have you listened to me lately?
Lately I’ve been fuckin crazy
There are some nights I wait for someone to save us
but I never look inward, try not to look upward
Some nights I pray a sign is gonna come to me
but usually, I’m just tryin to get some sleep
Some Nights